I wish I wasn’t. I wish I felt strong and caught up with my own life. Instead, I feel like I am always running behind, unable to be conscious of my own self, my body and my mind.
I feel overwhelmed by emotional turmoil. I am sinking in the waves and white waters. I try to catch my breath and centre myself – but there is no calm. Everything keeps churning.
My usual refrain plays over and over to my slowly numbing ears. I’m tired. I’m lonely. I’m worthless. I am a hindrance to others, never a facilitator.
I become numb, not because I no longer hear that refrain, but because I’m saturated with them. I’m soaked. I don’t think I can hold any more of their message within me. I am full of it.